“I’ve never emailed a website before,” Autopian user SkyChief07 begins their email with. “I love the site, love the mission, love you all as writers and journalists. You’re doing a thing, and things are hard, but you’re succeeding in building a corner of the internet where car weirdos feel truly at home,” they continue before getting to the highly pressing crux of the matter: This absurd minivan.
“I work at a college in Massachussetts,” they continue, “and I’ve been driving past this van on campus for the past couple of years, and it just keeps getting better and better as the owner adds more and more stuff to it.” Behold the van:
SkyChief07 continues by describing why this is an Autopian van:
I had to stop the other day and take some pictures, and it occurred to me that this is a very Autopian van for the following reasons:
1. An unhinged amount of auxiliary lighting. I have a fantasy of Jason sitting at the bar at The Scarlet Lighter, doing a dramatic spit take when he sees all these accessory lights, spraying a fine mist of Filament Julep (a taillight-subculture bar has to have themed cocktails, right?) all over his phone. There are even LEDs mounted inside the rear bumper.2. Is that a snorkel on a 2WD van riding on all-seasons? Where is this van going? What is it snorkeling?3. It’s a 2nd-gen Kia Sedona in the top trim available at the time (EX). When’s the last time you’ve seen an ’01-’05 Sedona in such great shape (if at all)?4. All the little details: the jerry can with a combination lock, the legs dangling from the tailgate, the Ring stickers, WIDE LOAD banner under the rear wiper (what if you accidentally hit the stalk and turn it on?), the fuzzy dice, the 2023 sticker, the name Bessie.This van is awesome. It makes me smile every time I drive past it, and I thought it would ring true to the Autopian vibe. I hope the owner is an Autopian reader.Happy Wednesday, all. Thanks for the great content.