Home » What If They Made Those Fake Rolls-Royce Grilles For Other Cars Like Porsches And Teslas?

What If They Made Those Fake Rolls-Royce Grilles For Other Cars Like Porsches And Teslas?

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You know what is one of my all-time favorite ridiculous car accessories? Those fake Rolls-Royce grilles and hoods they used to sell for old air-cooled Volkswagen Beetles. You’d see them in JC Whitney catalogs and other finer automotive publications that catered to the most erudite of motorists. These were genuinely absurd things that were capable of turning your old, rusty Beetle with the mismatched color door into something that pretty much anyone with 20/180 vision would mistake for a genuine, if improbably shrunken, Rolls-Royce, the finest motorcarriage in the world. In hindsight, I’m a bit surprised they never made these for similar cars of the era, like a Porsche 911. And, now that I think about it, with a whole new crop of cars that feature frunks in the world, like Teslas, maybe the time is ripe for a new generation of these things! Let’s explore, just a bit.

First, here’s a little refresher about these things. Look in the upper right corner there, and you can see an example of the VW-Rolls-Royce hood. They also had one that looked like a ’40 Ford, if that’s more your speed:

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Here, let’s look closer and see some examples of these incredible things in place:

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Dear god, they’re majestic! Plus, they contained a pretty significant hidden advantage: they dramatically increased the volume of a Beetle’s trunk! I’m not sure what percentage of faux-Roller hood buyers made the purchase for coldly pragmatic reasons to gain increased trunk volume, but I bet it was appreciated by at least some of them.

It’s a pretty significant bump up in volume:

Enlargedtrunk Vw

It effectively doubles the vertical axis of that trunk by the front there. These were popular in the 1970s; well, maybe “popular” is a bit of a hyperbole, but they were certainly out there, rolling around the streets, spreading rays of weapons-grade class everywhere they went. There were a few other cars out around this time with some generally similar layout and body shape to the old Beetle that could possibly have benefitted from a similar gain in trunk volume from something like this: the Porsche 911.

I’m being serious! Look!

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Enlargedtrunk911

I mean, it makes sense; via the Porsche 356, the 911 was a very advanced evolution of the Beetle’s fundamental design. The 911 lacked the Beetle’s rear luggage well (well, at least if you were insisting on using those nearly vestigial rear seats) so some sort of trunk enhancement might be welcome for 911 owners who liked to go on road trips with 3 passengers (maybe 2 were dogs or kids) and hated leaving anything behind.

Plus, why should the Beetle be the sole beneficiary of bolt-on Rolls-Royce classiness? Just because the Porsche is already a premium car, does that mean it shouldn’t be able to wear the trappings of a car even higher in the stratosphere? Of course not?

I mean, haven’t you ever wondered what a Porsche 911 might look like with a fake Rolls-Royce grille? Of course you have! You’re human! So, here, let’s imagine together:

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That’s a hypothetical fiberglass fake Rolls grille on a 1976 Porsche 911 Turbo, and I think it looks good. Damn good. Damn DAMN good. Sure, it kills the aero and probably whistles and shakes like a horny banshee at speeds over 50, but now you can take your big duffel bag with you and both of your St.Bernards!

Could this have existed? For it to exist, we’d have to assume that Porsche owners in the 1970s and 1980s had senses of humor when it came to themselves and their cars, and I’m not sure that’s a safe bet.

That’s also my concern with the possibility of re-introducing the fake Rolls-Royce grille for a modern generation of cars. I think the car that should get this legendary add-on should be one that meets three criteria: 1., is popular enough to be a big enough market, B. Has a strong cult following to market to, and ∂, has a front trunk/frunk that would benefit from the extra volume provided by the larger Rolls-style hood.

And there is a car that fits this perfectly: a Tesla.

Let’s try it on the highest-volume ones, a Model 3 (or Model Y). How would a modern take on the add-on Rolls grille look?

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Oh yeah. Perfect! We need to be sure to change the logo and flying lady to some non-actionable things (maybe we use two entwined Bs and the lady is, um, a robot elf or some geeky shit like that to play to the market) but other than that, if we cut the hood to the same shape as the original, we can still use the hinge mounts and the existing weatherstripping! It’s perfect!

Plus, there’d be a pretty substantial increase in frunk volume, especially height, so you can finally cram in two overhead bin-sized bags at a time! At least!

And I bet the worsened aerodynamics will only kill your range by, what, maybe 10 miles? 15 tops.

We’re gonna make a killing selling these – if they catch on, we’ll make them for Model Ses and Kias and Hyundais and Ford Mach-es and everything with a frunk! Rich! We’re gonna be rich! Who’s in?

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Relatedbar

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German EV Makers Don’t Seem To Care About Frunks And I Think That’s Pretty Weird

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MAX FRESH OFF
MAX FRESH OFF
9 months ago
Chartreuse Bison
Chartreuse Bison
9 months ago

I’m sure some Chinese automaker builds something a that looks just like that tesla mock-up

Thomas Metcalf
Thomas Metcalf
9 months ago

Porsche and Tesla owners may be the two groups with the LEAST amount of humour regarding their cars. I love it.

Spikedlemon
Spikedlemon
9 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

Is that the new Prius?

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
9 months ago
Reply to  Thomas Metcalf

excuse me, it’s parsh

Harris K Telemacher
Harris K Telemacher
9 months ago

If you really want to see someone who can laugh at themselves, find someone with a real Rolls Royce who modified it with a faux Beetle hood!

BubbaX
BubbaX
9 months ago

For the Tesla, you need to classy up the headlights. How about a fairing that covers the originals with Superfly headlights? Oh wait, you already wrote about those?
Still, it needs to be done to correct the lines on that car.
The hood ornament has to be a Cybertruck. Why? Because anything Cybertruck-related tangentially connected to this site gets the clicks. Besides: stainless steel and completely impractical — what more do you want in a hood ornament?
Fine. Just be lazy and put Elon up front with a straw and a mirror and call it “The Spirit of Xtacy”.

Olaf Hart
Olaf Hart
9 months ago

All of these remind be of the Vanden Plas 1500, which looked like an Austin Allegro with a Jaguar grill stuck on the front (which along with some leather upholstery, it pretty much was)

Ward William
Ward William
9 months ago

The answer to your “what if” question is simple. A: All cars with them would look like their owners…….dicks.

Sgtyukon
Sgtyukon
9 months ago

I never got around to the VW/RR hood for my old Beetle. And, wouldn’t it kill gas mileage (and top speed too of the bug was old and weak enough)?

The silly Bug accessories I did fall for were the big band-aid for when I crushed the right rear fender, and the blower motor for the heater. Installed the heater blower at my buddy’s house by the beach on a lovely summer day. I did have to drill a hole in the dash for the switch, but otherwises the installation wasn’t difficult. Since it was summer, it took months for me to discover the blower motor was worthless. You see, for the blower to improve heat in the cabin, the engine would have to generate a lot more heat in really cold weather to begin with.

niceladybadjeep
niceladybadjeep
9 months ago

This is how they used to make Bentleys

Mike F.
Mike F.
9 months ago

The 911 looks surprisingly, really good!

The Tesla looks like it’s been constipated for some time now and is trying very hard to remedy that situation.

Squirrelmaster
Squirrelmaster
9 months ago
Reply to  Mike F.

I agree the 911 looks pretty good.

The Tesla looks like it has a severe overbite, which while perhaps not an improvement in looks, it does give it some personality that it is otherwise devoid of.

Chartreuse Bison
Chartreuse Bison
9 months ago
Reply to  Mike F.

It makes the headlights stand-out less, which is always an improvement on a Porsche

Dodsworth
Dodsworth
9 months ago

I honestly liked the Ford hood. Sue me.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
9 months ago
Reply to  Dodsworth

Me too! Love the look of the tall prow
Only ever saw one on a VW that I recall, opposed to maybe a couple dozen RR ones back in the day.

Sue you? Nah: >applause <

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
9 months ago

You know what else has a frunk, sells in high enough volume, and is popular for owners to personalize? C8 Corvettes!

Ffoc01
Ffoc01
9 months ago

I’m disappointed. Not a single mention of how Ford has been offering this as a factory installed option on all of its mid and full sized cars since the 70s?

The Thunderbird kit was called Mark. The LTD kit was called Continental/Town Car. The Grenada kit was the Versailles.

Morgan van Humbeck
Morgan van Humbeck
9 months ago

Ok, hear me out. I know it doesn’t have a frunk, but… there’s loads of them, people already modify the front constantly, and it would look fucking fabulous:

Jeep Wrangler

You’re welcome

Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
9 months ago

That Fauxrsche looks awesome unironically.

Last edited 9 months ago by Bongo Friendee Harvey Park
Michael Sharp
Michael Sharp
9 months ago

That would be perfect for the horrible grill that BMW has inflicted upon us!
Time to crank up Photoshop!

Root
Root
9 months ago
Reply to  Michael Sharp

BMW owns Rolls, so there’s even some brand synergy there. Anyway, isn’t the “entry level” Roller more or less a 7-series with fancy grille on it?

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