I did not intend to become an Internet businessman, but while other writers were doing the five-knuckle shuffle to pics of McLarens I studied the blade. And, by “the blade” I mean programmatic advertising. I sort of understand it now. Maybe. One thing I know is that the peak of rates for display ads every year is usually right around the last two weeks of November. Ergo, if I could have the highest traffic any day I’d probably pick November 19th. Other than a nationwide internet blackout or a Walton Goggins-heavy new season of Justified, I can’t imagine what could get people from reading posts on this website on November 19th.
Oh, wait, I just thought of a thing.
Those unrepentant assholes at Rockstar Games, after spending a few trillions dollars and what feels like 40 years making a sequel to Grand Theft Auto V, are going to release their little game on that exact day. How am I supposed to run a website? How am I supposed to feed my children?
Look at the extended preview for Grand Theft Auto VI posted yesterday (link here, note it’s very violent):
This is just a little gameplay preview and it’s about as long as an episode of Frasier. It’s been up for less than a day and it’s already clocked more than 8.9 million views. It’s not even that exciting at first. It’s just two people walking around a dope house getting shot at.
They don’t even drive a car until like 12 minutes in!
We are so boned.
Here’s what Ashley Wong from The Wall Street Journal wrote on LinkedIn:
The last GTA game came out in 2013, so the demand is now sky-high. When I first heard that people were requesting time off from work to play GTA6, I figured it would just be a handful of die-hard fans. Instead, I found scores of people who already have a few days to a few weeks of vacation time blocked off.
Many of the fans I spoke to fell in love with the franchise as teenagers. It’s been so long since GTA5 came out that now they’re fully grown adults with disposable income and the freedom to set their own schedules. One gamer I spoke with is taking off 10 days from work. Others are meal-prepping and waking up at 1 a.m. to start the game, all to maximize gameplay and minimize distractions. Even the U.S. Army is taking advantage of the hype to motivate soldiers.
The US Army is letting soldiers have time off if they’re willing to re-enlist. It’s basically The Entertainment from Infinite Jest, except real and not a metaphor. And it also probably takes longer to finish.
Just look at the cars! They play at least one Phil Collins song! They pull at least one Die Hard! They go full Nakitomi Plaza!
That’s basically a Blackwing, right? That’s so cool.
The last large, world-building game I finished (and may ever finish) was GTA V, which came out before my daughter was born. I started it, got busy, and put it aside. As soon as I knew a kiddo was on the way I quickly began to grind through it to the finish. It’s taken so long for a new one to come out my kid can vote.
Well, she can vote in the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. It’s been a while.
Now I’m starting to realize that we might not even have everyone here to write it, let alone read it. Maybe Griffin? He’s young, no kids, so if he calls in sick I will not believe him. Mercedes? Married, but young. Thomas. Absolutely no way Thomas shows.
David has a young kid, he’s not playing that game in front of Delmar. Jason is maybe the wild card, as I wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow managed to get it running on one of his Apple IIs.
Maybe I’ll just put up pages from my novel that week.
Look forward to Booktopian, everyone…
Top photo: Rockstar Games
Yeah, Matt, you just can’t compete – but we love you!
Not a gamer. I’ll be here!
I briefly played V when it first came out on PC. Was kinda fun ’till I went online, got greifed during the tutorial section, and never went back.
I considered going back and modding the crap out of single-player, but the moment I even had the thought, they started clamping down on modding. Swore off it a second time.
Then I bought Kerbal Space Program 2. Oh, boy, had I known that Take2 (who own Rockstar Games) was involved in publishing that…well, probably would have avoided it. Because they canceled it before it could actually get off the ground. It had good bones. Now those are dry bones because it’s dead.
So yeah. Screw GTA 6. I’ll be here, probably. And slightly bitter as it becomes a huge success.
I’m a PC gamer and am not buying a PS5 or XBwhatever to play one game. I’ll be here, avoiding spoilers as best I can.
But it doesn’t come out this year? Oh right “PC is hard to optimize for” so we will wait until the game has been out long enough that people will double dip and buy the game twice.
PREACH MATT, PREACH!!!
Look, the game looks sweet and I’m going to get it, but wtf was Rockstar thinking by opening the trailer with a slow paced story mission lol.
the last GTA I played was San Andreas, my last playstation/xbox were the PS2/360, while I would probably like the new one, there is almost no chance I’ll be playing it anytime soon much less on the 19th.
so yes, unless I am off work that day for other reasons, I’ll be here to read something lol.
My wife and I bought two copies of Infinite Jest thinking we’d do a mini-book club thing and discuss as we read. 6 pages in that nonsense stopped, and we gave one copy away as a white elephant gift.
Burning hours on a video game just makes me feel like I am wasting time. Hitting my mid-forties has emphasized just how fast time goes. I don’t want to waste any of it, and I get more satisfaction spending my free time in more constructive manners. I’ll be here.
This sounds like such a dated opinion of gaming.
I mean, you can do everything you want to do IRL while still going home to game for an hour before bed. Watching TV is more of a waste of time because at least with gaming you’re using your brain to problem solve while helping maintain your hand-eye coordination and reflexes. If you play with friends, it becomes a social enviornment. I’m not pretending like it’s the most constructive way to use your time, but it’s certainly not the worst way in moderation.
Oh for sure. That was a ‘for me’ opinion. I am unsure of the actual problem solving/hand-eye coordination benefits but that’s neither here nor there. One should waste/use one’s time however they see fit.
I often think about getting back into gaming just to hang out with friends that I never see any more. But my primary time to do that would be before bed, and from past experience I know that torpedoes my sleep quality.
Now if you will excuse me I have to watch episode 51 of Australian Master Chef before catching up on Below Deck.