Home » Everything Is Cold And The Wind Feels Like An Ice Laser: Day Two Of David’s Terrible California Move

Everything Is Cold And The Wind Feels Like An Ice Laser: Day Two Of David’s Terrible California Move


David, Jason, and Otto are slowly crawling their way across the country with sunny California as their destination. After discovering that our fearless leader hasn’t packed anything and eats spaghetti in his shower, somehow the trio managed to dig David out of his Detroit home and got him on the road towards California. But don’t think our team is having an easy time just yet, as they now face freezing cold, a swaying load, tiredness, and seemingly all-round misery. Well, maybe not Otto, he looks like he’s having a blast.

To give you an idea of David’s and Jason’s situation, I’m the one writing the sitrep this morning. Jason tells us that they got in at 2:30am late last night and they were beyond tired. And now, they’re getting ready to hit the road again. Thankfully, Jason gave me some key data before they steeled themselves for another day on the road.

It’s Cold, So Very Cold

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David Tracy

Our adventurers chose perhaps the worst time to move. America has been dealing with the aftermath of a major storm system and deep freeze. And while things are warming up, it’s still pretty cold out there. In fact, here’s how Jason describes the situation:

It’s so very cold, always and everywhere. I’m tired of being so cold. The wind cuts through you like ice lasers every gas stop.

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Jason Torchinsky

And remember, he’s the one driving the cushy Jeep Wagoneer. Speaking of which, Jason’s had enough time behind the Wagoneer to discover some of its quirks and features. One thing that stood out to him is the lack of Jeep badging.

Well, take a look at this thing!

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Jason Torchinsky

There’s a “Wagoneer” on the hood, on the front doors, and on the tailgate. You also get American flags, but no Jeep branding. Ah, but what about the interior? Even the steering wheel just says Wagoneer on it. The Grand Wagoneer has the same thing going on. Jason isn’t the only person to notice this, and Jeep CEO Christian Meunier has an explanation: “The Grand Wagoneer name and design make it obviously Jeep.”

Aside from the lack of badging, Jason reports some good statistics about the Wagoneer. This SUV is towing a U-Haul AT Auto Transport trailer, which weighs in at 2,210 pounds. Toss in David’s 4,300-pound Golden Eagle, and the Wagoneer is hauling 6,510 pounds of Americana. Jason describes this setup as “luxury but pulling a fishtaily 5,000-pound boat anchor.” With all that the Wagoneer is averaging about 10 mpg.

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David Tracy

Other observations from Jason include the fact that he’s not fond of using touch buttons for everything and Apple CarPlay stopped working for some reason, but at least Otto is enjoying his screen in back, which plays YouTube videos. Someone also rolled coal on them last night, but Jason was baffled because it’s not like their convoy was green at all.

From The Mustang

David recorded this video, where he describes his struggle to stay awake in the pony car:

Jason says that, alarmingly, when the Rustman gets tired, the Mustang weaves about. The Mustang also seems to have some sort of issue, as it fires right up but appears to have a misfire.

Still, despite everything, Jason, David, and Otto are having quite the adventure. They managed to stop at a Wally’s! Now, if you’re not from Illinois or Missouri, I’ll fill you in.

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On the surface, Wally’s just looks like a huge gas station with 76 pumps. But there’s way more going on than that. Inside of a Wally’s you’ll find a BBQ pit, a beef jerky bar, a carving station, huge bathrooms, popcorn, and seemingly anything you’d need for a road trip. I’m usually in too much of a rush to stop and stare, but Wally’s has long been fascinating to me. There are just two of them so far, and our road trippers got to go to one of them. David even left with Wally’s merch!

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Jason Torchinsky
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Jason Torchinsky

Eventually, they did arrive in St. Louis for their last-minute reader meetup. Jason describes a small gathering of two, where reader Toecutter showed up with this awesome streamliner bike. The other reader was a maritime cartographer with an XJ.

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Jason Torchinsky

Today, our dear leaders continue their trip westward. Hopefully, the temps warm up, CarPlay gets its act together, and the misery eases. Good luck, guys! Follow our Twitter page and check here to stay up to date on their trip, as well as for further meetups the trio have along the way.

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105 Responses

  1. Toecutter has a velomobile! That’s rad. As a lifelong professional bicycle mechanic I respect the efficiency of them but would be terrified to pilot one on the roads where I live. Getting run over by a RAM 2500 while inside a carbon fiber suppository is not my ideal death scenario.

    1. I bought the Milan SL last year, and before owning the Milan, built one from scratch that is more of a microcar than a velomobile, but is perfectly functional as either.

      I gave a more in-depth description elsewhere in this article’s comments section.

  2. David: I’m not sure if it happens a lot, but have you considered bringing up that sleepiness behind-the-wheel to a doctor? I have the same damn problem, and it got way, way worse after my big head injury. I ended up with a prescription to help me focus and not nod off. Definitely worth talking over to see if it’s more than just a lack of sleep!

    Either way, the long-haul old car struggle is real. Take frequent breaks. Stretch your legs often. Don’t die.

  3. I’m surprised by the U-Haul trailer. Those things are terrible to tow, mostly because they are too heavy. They are built to take abuse from people who don’t know anything about proper towing. I figured this group of true “car folk” would have had access to a trailer that is easier and more economical to pull for such a long haul.

  4. When the weather is warmer, the City Museum in St Louis is a must. Especially with Otto. Not sure how that place is even legal, in our litigatous world. More stuff to crawl over, thru and above. Learjet on poles, school bus on the roof. Maybe Mercedes can check it out when in the area.

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