Some say that there’s a doppelganger or uncannily similar twin of each and every one of us somewhere else in the world. That’s kind of frightening, but what might be even more terrifying is that someone must exist out there who is polar opposite you.
For everything you do in this life, they do the opposite. You might wonder what sort of amoral (or moral) deeds they do on a regular basis to counter your actions. I don’t really care; I just want to know what they drive. What car would such an opposite-of-you individual drive, therefore making it the most “not you” car?
Opposite Me would probably have some kind of flashy Korean car like a Kia or Hyundai with that “bold” styling featuring all the excessive, fussy detailing that will likely look as out of date and dopey as the Amati in the topshot in about three weeks.
The Real Me would be terrified that such a car is going to blow a head gasket, burn a transmission or get a rod knock beyond 60,000 miles, as has happened to many people I know who bought one of these things. Opposite Me wouldn’t care, because unlike Real Me, such a person would never keep a car for ten years. No, they’ll lease the thing and ditch it in 36 months, long before it craps out. Then, they’ll just get another new one and keep making ever-increasing car payments until the day they die.
What about our David Tracy? Inverse David Tracy (Ycart Divad) would have zero nonfunctional or semifunctional cars dripping oil at his work lot or house; every penny would be sunk into his one vehicle: a nearly new GX550 that I’m sure his Lexus fangirl spouse loves. Inverse David Tracy’s wife (like Inverse Me’s spouse) is always pushing him to go buy another project car.
Where do we even start with Opposite World Jason Torchinsky? The Anti-Torch wouldn’t be caught dead in some funky thimble-wheeled “tin can” compact, much less one that looked like a duck. He’d probably drive a big late-seventies “downsized” Cadillac like the one he claims that his parents inherited from his grandpa. This was a car mentioned in his infamous bail-out-his-parents story and a vehicle that Real Jason probably had less than zilch interest in owning. I, on the other hand, would gladly rock the living shit out of such a magnificent machine at 10 MPG; just a ride to the store would have a sense of occasion. I’d have tried to inherit it and likely still own it today in a fully restored state. Wait, am I the Anti-Jason? Woah.
How about you? What cars are so not “you” that only someone who’s the total opposite of yourself actually would buy it?
Top graphic image: Kia
No repairs needed. Low mileage…
I’m not a Rockefeller.
Blinged-out G Wagen, Rolls Cullinan, anything that shouts “more money than taste.”
Anything that gets less than 50 mpg, a Swastikar, or is taller than I.am and requires a stepladder to get in. That disqualifies at least 97% of the vehicles where I live.
Least me is…
I reckon the most out-there luxury marques would get pretty short shrift from me. I’d take anything for a spin, but those I’d give back pretty quickly. And the fully optioned-up models of more mainstream vehicles, like a King Ranch Expedition. That’s for the More is More crowd, and I’m not into that.
Opposite me? Probably a crossover.
Anything with a carb, these days.
Let’s see, I like weird cars and cars that stand out, but I get embarrassed when people think they’re worth more money than they are. The anti-me car is probably something like an F150 Lariat with All The Chrome.
Anything made by Tesla, especially the cybertruck
A lifted Ram 2500 HD crew cab pickup. No way would I own one of these monstrosities. I would only accept a base single cab 8ft bed work truck in an emergency.
not a car, though. I might have to repeat this a few times.
Your religion tells you what you can do, not what we can do.
I think you’re way off on the Torch description, as real Torch would absolutely appreciate a malaise-era Cadillac for what it is. I think the anti-Torch mobile would be something like a Lamborghini Urus or a G-wagen – something compromised, excessive, and ostentatious with little practical value but also with no sense of fun or quirkiness (so oddly enough a Dartz Prombron COULD be a Torchmobile due to its sheer ridiculousness).
It’s pretty simple. The furthest you can get from me, and probably most Autopians is the lifted diesel bro-dozer pickups. All blingy etc. I can’t think of anything that turns my stomach harder, and they’re all over the place where I am.
I don’t know, I have such omnivorous taste in cars that there is very little I would consider “not me.” A Cybertruck is the obvious answer, I suppose. It’s the least car-like four-wheeled vehicle I can think of; it seems tailor-made for people who hate cars.
My inverse, PV1, would roll a V6 Charger, 20% interest rate form a buy-here-pay-here lot just outside the base gate. It would have tons of Pep Boys fake scoops and a Hellcat emblem/Hellcat stickers. 22” or larger wheels, also financed. PV1 would call it his Redeye. It would sit in the barracks parking lot all the time because PV1 is always on extra duty.
I feel the same about an ecoboost 4 banger mustang with O’Reilley’s chrome lettering (not Straight or spaced properly) to attempt a GT badge engineering spoof on the opposite sex. Massive clouds of Vape and Axe Body spray not included.
Sad thing though, I kind of do want an old SVO with a locked up motor and a new Ecoboost after being wrapped around a mall light pole so I could see how the modern turbo 4 fairs in the old turbo four body.
F-350 Powerstroke Dually Diesel 4×4 and anything similar from GM or DODGE. Oh hell, call it any full size truck or SUV of the last 20 years.
Any CUV really, but top of that shitlist: Nissan Juke. I don’t care what anyone says, I hate them.
Even more than the Ford Ecosport?
I think that’s called a Ford Kuga here, isn’t it? I’d say yes, because at least people don’t seem to like the Kuga, as you don’t see that many. Fuckin Jukes are everywhere though. They are awful; huge, slow, ugly, with no space inside considering how portly they are. Bleargh.
Nah… the Kuga is one size bigger. The Ecosport is this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_EcoSport
Ew.
Likely opposite of me candidates:
Cybertruck
Brodozer
American sedan with 27″+ dubs, giant subwoofers and lots of chrome and/or the murdered out look
Anything so fancy and expensive it hardly ever gets driven
Large gaudy SUV
I have owned so many vehicles I’m not sure there is an opposite me. I’ve owned big work trucks, fancy big trucks, small trucks, off-roaders, hatchbacks, sedans, coupes, SUVs, CUVs, minivans, fast cars, slow cars, luxury cars, hybrids, EVs….
About the only thing I haven’t owned is something super expensive and high-end, so I guess the opposite me would own a Ferrari SF90 or Bugatti Chiron. Then again, I’d totally own an Aventador if it was in my budget…
Probably anything Japanese with 4 doors and a CVT.
I prefer 2-door vehicles with three pedals and a manual shifter. Even if I got a wagon, I’d want it to be a 2-door.
My daily driver is a 2-door, 4-cylinder, 5-speed GMC pickup. My previous daily driver was a 2-door, 4-cylinder, 5-speed, Chevrolet pickup. Before that it was a 2-door, inline-six, 3-on-the-tree Chevrolet pickup.
Any suv/cuv/uv whatever, any truck, anything with a semblance of a work or farm vehicle. I don’t want to lose my soul.
Going with Polaris Slingshot. Way way way too extroverted. Every time I see one the owner has either added subwoofers, under glow or flame decals to it.
I also have an aversion to doorless vehicles (or mostly doorless)
Any sort of Brodozer.
Opposite me (Fast Car Enthusiast) would drive a Nissan GTR modded within an inch of its life to be as fast, loud, and gaudy as possible. It’s a car with an automatic transmission and a sole purpose of being fast. I also can’t stand modified/loud cars.
I’d say Nesretep Aerdna would probably be driving a single, brand new G-Wagon or BMW XM. Both are horrifyingly gauche and ridiculously massive.
Nothing specific, instead pretty much any vehicle acquired after thoughtful reflection upon sensible considerations.
For me it would just be any bland get from point a to point b mobile. Like a Camry, accord, explorer, rav4 and so on especially if they are just an automatic. I am at the point for my daily it is either an EV or a stick shift that gets good MPG and for the fun weekend cars they are all stick now.