What Car Is The Least ‘You’?

Some say that there’s a doppelganger or uncannily similar twin of each and every one of us somewhere else in the world. That’s kind of frightening, but what might be even more terrifying is that someone must exist out there who is polar opposite you.

For everything you do in this life, they do the opposite. You might wonder what sort of amoral (or moral) deeds they do on a regular basis to counter your actions. I don’t really care; I just want to know what they drive. What car would such an opposite-of-you individual drive, therefore making it the most “not you” car?

Opposite Me would probably have some kind of flashy Korean car like a Kia or Hyundai with that “bold” styling featuring all the excessive, fussy detailing that will likely look as out of date and dopey as the Amati in the topshot in about three weeks.

The Real Me would be terrified that such a car is going to blow a head gasket, burn a transmission or get a rod knock beyond 60,000 miles, as has happened to many people I know who bought one of these things. Opposite Me wouldn’t care, because unlike Real Me, such a person would never keep a car for ten years. No, they’ll lease the thing and ditch it in 36 months, long before it craps out. Then, they’ll just get another new one and keep making ever-increasing car payments until the day they die.

What about our David Tracy? Inverse David Tracy (Ycart Divad) would have zero nonfunctional or semifunctional cars dripping oil at his work lot or house; every penny would be sunk into his one vehicle: a nearly new GX550 that I’m sure his Lexus fangirl spouse loves. Inverse David Tracy’s wife (like Inverse Me’s spouse) is always pushing him to go buy another project car.

Where do we even start with Opposite World Jason Torchinsky? The Anti-Torch wouldn’t be caught dead in some funky thimble-wheeled “tin can” compact, much less one that looked like a duck. He’d probably drive a big late-seventies “downsized” Cadillac like the one he claims that his parents inherited from his grandpa. This was a car mentioned in his infamous bail-out-his-parents story and a vehicle that Real Jason probably had less than zilch interest in owning. I, on the other hand, would gladly rock the living shit out of such a magnificent machine at 10 MPG; just a ride to the store would have a sense of occasion. I’d have tried to inherit it and likely still own it today in a fully restored state. Wait, am I the Anti-Jason? Woah.

How about you? What cars are so not “you” that only someone who’s the total opposite of yourself actually would buy it?

Top graphic image: Kia