A big part of moving to a different area is finding your way around. You need to know things like where the nearest Costco is (half an hour) and is that little pizza place downtown is any good (not bad at all, actually). The more you know about a place, the more at home you will feel, and for me, that includes knowing what’s on offer in the local classifieds. So today, we’re looking at two cars not far from my new stomping grounds, for just twenty-five hundred bucks each.
Yesterday we were in my old stomping grounds of Portland, Oregon, looking at a pair of faded sporty coupes. A surprising number of you wanted a “both” option, but more of you voted for the Eagle Talon, giving it the win over that scruffy Barracuda.
As I said yesterday, I’m a fan of both these cars, but if the choice is between these two particular examples, I have to go with the Talon as well. That particular Barracuda just needs too much. And honestly, if I were going to go for a Barracuda, or Valiant, or Dart, I’d want a slant six instead of the V8. It just seems right.
When we were out running errands today, I noticed something about central Michigan: Our 22-year-old GMC Yukon is one of the oldest vehicles on the road. And it’s got nothing to do with status or socioeconomic factors; it’s simply because nearly all cars of its age have long since rusted away around here. But I also know that this state is car-crazy to some degree, with Detroit being the epicenter of the US auto industry. So there must be some interest in classics, right? I decided to see what was available for cheap that someone might conceivably want to fix up. As I suspected, the pickings were slim. But I found these two on Facebook Marketplace, just down the road a bit in Ann Arbor. Let’s check them out.
1977 Mercury Comet – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 250 cubic inch OHV inline 6, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Odometer reading: 120,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives, but needs work
It has been a minute since the last installment of our “Mercury Monday” series, so I think it’s high time we poked a little good-natured fun at Ford’s also-ran brand again. Here we have the final generation of the Mercury Comet, which started out as a fancy-pants Ford Falcon, and ended up as this coffin-nosed iteration of a Ford Maverick. While the name of the affiliated Ford version changed more than once throughout the Comet’s lifetime, the basic mechanical structure never did; underneath, this is pretty much the same as the original Comet.
Power for this Comet comes from a 250 cubic inch version of Ford’s venerable inline six, backed by a column-shifted three-speed automatic. It makes the car move, but in the least exciting way possible. It is pretty damn reliable, though. This one has had a bunch of recent work done, and it runs and drives, but the seller says it “does not like the cold.” I mean, who does, right? They mention a new carb, and I suspect the reluctance to run properly in cold weather has something to do with the choke being maladjusted, disconnected, or otherwise inoperable.
It has tan seat covers over an otherwise pea-green interior that’s in surprisingly good shape – with one exception. The shoulder harness on the driver’s side is badly frayed, almost broken through. You’ll want to get that replaced before you go too far or too fast.
You would expect to see some rust on a car like this around here, and you’d be right. Little areas of corrosion are popping up in pretty much every seam and crevice. I have no way of knowing how bad it is underneath, but the fact that the rocker panels are intact is encouraging. I fear that the rear bumper brackets may not be long for this world; however, I’m certain the bumper is not supposed to sit that low.
1979 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight Hearse – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 350 cubic inch OHV V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Odometer reading: 92,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives, but needs work
Hearses, like limousines, are often built from Cadillacs or Lincolns, with the thought being that your last ride should be in style, I suppose. But pretty much any vehicle large enough to hold a casket could be made into a hearse, like, say, an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight sedan. This is the “downsized” version of the big Olds, but it’s still more than roomy enough to get the job done – with a little surgery to its roof and trunk.
This Ninety-Eight is powered by a 350 cubic “Rocket” V8 engine, a strange choice of engine name for a slow, stately vehicle like a hearse, but what can you do? It runs and drives, but the seller says it sputters a little and has a slight tick that they think is coming from the valvetrain. I chased a similar noise all over a Chevy 305 V8 once, and it ended up being a weak spring in the mechanical fuel pump. A failing fuel pump could also account for the stumbling, actually, so that would be the first place I’d check. This car’s odometer shows only 92,000 miles, and I tend to believe that’s original. Hearses don’t generally cover a lot of miles.
It’s a little grubby inside, but it still looks comfy in that ’70s luxobarge way. And of course, the front bench seat is the only seat; the entire rear is taken up by the rollers and latches to hold a casket. There’s a casket in the back in the photos – empty, one would hope – but the seller says it isn’t included.
It’s pretty rough outside, with surface rust, rust-through in a few spots, and peeling vinyl on the top, but it also sports the most interesting landau bars I’ve ever seen on a hearse. Look at those things. They’re practically Art Deco. I love seeing such an intricate detail on such a dilapidated old car; they’re like the gargoyles on a decaying stone mansion or something.
In some other parts of the country, these would be parts cars at best, but I bet they both find a home around here. Will either one ever actually get restored? Probably not. Are they worth the asking price? Again, doubtful, but neither are they too far outside the realm of reality, especially for something you can drive home. I’m pretty sure neither would be anyone’s first choice for a project, but today, they are your only choices. So what’s it gonna be?
Paint the Olds pea-green, dye your hair red, go get laid with some losers or psychos. Easy choice.
I’d take the Comet and extend the bumpers out another foot. I mean, if you’re going light lime green, might as well make it REALLY stand out…
Uh… no?
While I’m sure the fancy factor plays a part, I believe the main reason for the common use of Cadillac and Lincolns for professional vehicles was the heavy duty drivetrains and chassis and that they were offered in such form to coachbuilders for ambulances, hearses, combinations, limos, and flower cars. The 98 was built on the same platform as Cadillacs of the time and I’ve seen a number of Olds hearses from this generation. This would also be the last generation to have seen ambulance conversions as the industry moved to truck-based vehicles.
I’m sure that Comet is completely rotted underneath, so I’ll go hearse even if I don’t want either of them. Were it an ambulance, I’d be more enthused as the rarity surely must make them worth something to someone somewhere. Interestingly enough, if either type were to be haunted, I’d put my money on the ambulance version, not the hearse.
Nope.
I was leaning hearse anyway, but those big-ass Comet bumpers nudged me solidly away from them
I voted. But I didn’t want to. I’d save my $2,500 for what you might offer up tomorrow.
Hearse I guess just because I have lived the Ford malaise straight-6, 3-speed auto, days.
If you’d asked me “did the Maverick/Comet line reach until 1977?” I’d say “no way!”
And I was alive and driving at the time. I really thought that sad thing had been put out of its misery by then.
That said, if I have to have one of these beasts in my driveway, sure. I’ll just wait ’til it gets warm again to drive it.
Also, I’m pretty sure the rear-bumper fix is easy; just a few swings of a sledgehammer will clear up that problem.
Rusty Comet or hearse. I guess the Comet as much as I hate rust. Hearses have always spooked me out. I just don’t like being around them. Today is really a bus pass kind of day with these choices but if I have to pick, it’s the Comet.
I’ve known many people that have hurses both to use a hurses and just because. That one maybe spooky enough to do something with but they really aren’t that practical not a ton of space the casket rollers get in the way of most practical things. So people the whole thing out or put a piece of plywood on top but still I’m not sure about an olds hurse. But I’m sure it still has use as a head tuner especially in its current state. Patinia hurses really should be a thing.
That hearse would’ve made a good band bus, about 20 years ago.
I’d love to know what the market was for an Olds 98-based coachbuilt sedan hearse. It would’ve cost a substantial premium over a station wagon-based conversion when new while still being a “cheap” Oldsmobile with such low-end hallmarks as stock non-raised windshield and door glass and standard wheelbase.
My Mom & Dad bought a Comet when he retired thinking it would be economical. Hated it a true crap box. Had it a year before trading it back to the dealer for a Versailles. Didn’t hate the Versailles. Comfortable, decent although soulless steering, (went where pointed), gas mileage was retched but then my M+ D weren’t into road trips. Perfect for a retired NYC banker, WWII navy vet and my elegant Mom.
Definitely the hearse, it could at least be useful for hauling or towing stuff. Also… that could maybe be an easy base for an el-camino conversion?