Home » North Carolina Man Raises Awareness For The Cheap Mitsubishi Mirage And Great Value Cream Cheese At The Same Time: COTD

North Carolina Man Raises Awareness For The Cheap Mitsubishi Mirage And Great Value Cream Cheese At The Same Time: COTD

Creator: Gd Jpeg V1.0 (using Ijg Jpeg V80), Quality = 82

Every once in a while, our beloved taillight man Jason Torchinsky goes off on a tangent. When that happens, we can’t stop him. All we can do is buckle up for whatever he has in store for us. Sometimes, Jason just makes something up out of thin air and writes a rather convincing article about it. Remember that Grumman LLV roadster? Yeah, I once cited it as a source before realizing it was completely made up! Today, he published another banger, and it reads both as an unhinged rant and as possible subliminal messaging for Great Value Cream Cheese and the Mitsubishi Mirage.

Welcome back to Comment Of The Day! If you’ve been a long-time reader of our work, you know the name of the game. If not, I’ll explain. Every day, we’ll read every single comment posted on our site and pick the best one. “Best” is subjective, and the comment chosen could be one that was informative, witty, or just left us on the floor laughing. Comment Of The Day (COTD) celebrates our awesome readers. You don’t have to go into our comments sections and write thousand-word stories about why you love a car so much, but a lot of you do, and that means a lot to us. So we’re going to highlight some of the most excellent bits of thought that you’ve formed into words and digitized onto our website.

Today, Jason published a blog best described as “unhinged.” It came out of a Slack discussion where Jason originally wondered about how automakers didn’t make Morning Consult’s list of Fastest Growing Brands for 2022. Yet, Great Value Cream Cheese was randomly there. Great Value Cream Cheese!? There was an offshoot of that list called the Millennials’ Fastest Growing Brands of 2022. Apparently, young people like myself love some Captain Morgan (I mean, there is a bottle near my desk), WD-40, and DiGiorno pizza.

At any rate, Jason took the idea of combining Great Value Cream Cheese with the Mitsubishi Mirage and you all read the result.

The comments on that blog were so hilarious that I haven’t stopped laughing. So today’s COTD is for making us chuckle the most. There were some hilarious contenders, like reader Delta 88 saying that the post reads like it was written by drugs. Not Jason on drugs, but by the drugs themselves. But the winner this time is msisaacs, who actually went and counted all mentions of “Great Value Cream Cheese.”

You just wrote an entire article about Great Value Cream Cheese. You said “Great Value Cream Cheese” 16 times in your article. I don’t know your readership numbers, but I’m guessing you have just MASSIVELY grown the brand awareness of Great Value Cream Cheese. You’ve practically ensured, through your “I’ve-just-hit-my-thumb-with-a-hammer-and-need-to-scream-about-something-to-make-me-feel-better” rant, that Great Value Cream Cheese will make the same list next year. It might even overtake Meta. I hope you like Bentonville, Arkansas, because it’s the only place you’ll be welcome in the entire country once Zuckerberg is done with you.

Incredibly, we really did publish an article with Great Value Cream Cheese in it a whole 16 times. That’s probably more than Walmart has ever said about Great Value Cream Cheese in one advertisement. And wait, how is Great Value Cream Cheese determined to be its own brand?

And that’s before we even get to the fact that Jason designed a Great Value Cream Cheese Edition Mirage to help pump up struggling Mitsubishi. This is an unexpected product tie-in, and one that can’t hurt! Do it, Mitsubishi, you have nothing to lose and lots of Great Value Cream Cheese to gain!

Crap, we just published Great Value Cream Cheese 13 more times.

[Editor’s Note: Okay, this comment from Skylooner about our new membership option (to be announced tomorrow!) is too good not to include:

Screen Shot 2022 12 07 At 6.52.43 Pm

Skylooner has our plan all figured out!



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22 Responses

  1. Great Value and DiGiorno both suck! President’s Choice and Dr. Oetker are much better!!

    And if you’re in Canada, it’s not DiGiorno, it’s Delissio!

    1. Aww, we used to have President’s Choice at Jewel, but it went away years ago. Awesome brand, we never got anything PC that wasn’t damn good. The pasta sauce was stellar.

  2. So wait, I have to add David to my RockAuto account?

    Awesome, that means he has to add me to his eEuroParts account!
    Don’t look up what #5601307 costs.

    1. For fun, I plugged in that part number… a Saab 9-3/9-5/900 alternator from the late 1990s to early 2000s?

      Couldn’t get the price on that since it’s out of stock… but other alternators available aren’t too expensive… cheaper than the A/C compressors or turbochargers.

      1. Not too expensive at RockAuto for something similar that is. That particular alternator at eEuroParts is like double the cost of alternators from other brands for that model range of Saabs.

    2. Oh, damn – I sold an entire running, driving ’96 900 for less than that (to a friend, granted). The reman units are a lot less eye-watering, but might be false economy for all I know.

  3. So I skimmed the entire Morning Consult PDF and found that Great Value Cream Cheese’s growth is all among Baby Boomers. It doesn’t appear on the Gen X, Millennial or Gen Z adults list. So maybe we’re going about it wrong and the Great Value Cream Cheese Edition should be a Toyota Avalon? Or a Buick Encore?

  4. Legend has it that if you chant “Great Value Cream Cheese, Great Value Cream Cheese, Great Value Cream Cheese” while looking in a mirror at midnight, you will see a Mitsubishi Mirage driven by a vertically-challenged, balding man, coming right for you, taillights flashing menacingly.

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