Every once in a while, our beloved taillight man Jason Torchinsky goes off on a tangent. When that happens, we can’t stop him. All we can do is buckle up for whatever he has in store for us. Sometimes, Jason just makes something up out of thin air and writes a rather convincing article about it. Remember that Grumman LLV roadster? Yeah, I once cited it as a source before realizing it was completely made up! Today, he published another banger, and it reads both as an unhinged rant and as possible subliminal messaging for Great Value Cream Cheese and the Mitsubishi Mirage.
Welcome back to Comment Of The Day! If you’ve been a long-time reader of our work, you know the name of the game. If not, I’ll explain. Every day, we’ll read every single comment posted on our site and pick the best one. “Best” is subjective, and the comment chosen could be one that was informative, witty, or just left us on the floor laughing. Comment Of The Day (COTD) celebrates our awesome readers. You don’t have to go into our comments sections and write thousand-word stories about why you love a car so much, but a lot of you do, and that means a lot to us. So we’re going to highlight some of the most excellent bits of thought that you’ve formed into words and digitized onto our website.
Today, Jason published a blog best described as “unhinged.” It came out of a Slack discussion where Jason originally wondered about how automakers didn’t make Morning Consult’s list of Fastest Growing Brands for 2022. Yet, Great Value Cream Cheese was randomly there. Great Value Cream Cheese!? There was an offshoot of that list called the Millennials’ Fastest Growing Brands of 2022. Apparently, young people like myself love some Captain Morgan (I mean, there is a bottle near my desk), WD-40, and DiGiorno pizza.
Congratulations to Millennials' Fastest Growing Brands of 2022
10. @KraftBrand BBQ Sauce
2. @Gatorade Fit
— Morning Consult (@MorningConsult) December 6, 2022
At any rate, Jason took the idea of combining Great Value Cream Cheese with the Mitsubishi Mirage and you all read the result.
The comments on that blog were so hilarious that I haven’t stopped laughing. So today’s COTD is for making us chuckle the most. There were some hilarious contenders, like reader Delta 88 saying that the post reads like it was written by drugs. Not Jason on drugs, but by the drugs themselves. But the winner this time is msisaacs, who actually went and counted all mentions of “Great Value Cream Cheese.”
You just wrote an entire article about Great Value Cream Cheese. You said “Great Value Cream Cheese” 16 times in your article. I don’t know your readership numbers, but I’m guessing you have just MASSIVELY grown the brand awareness of Great Value Cream Cheese. You’ve practically ensured, through your “I’ve-just-hit-my-thumb-with-a-hammer-and-need-to-scream-about-something-to-make-me-feel-better” rant, that Great Value Cream Cheese will make the same list next year. It might even overtake Meta. I hope you like Bentonville, Arkansas, because it’s the only place you’ll be welcome in the entire country once Zuckerberg is done with you.
Incredibly, we really did publish an article with Great Value Cream Cheese in it a whole 16 times. That’s probably more than Walmart has ever said about Great Value Cream Cheese in one advertisement. And wait, how is Great Value Cream Cheese determined to be its own brand?
And that’s before we even get to the fact that Jason designed a Great Value Cream Cheese Edition Mirage to help pump up struggling Mitsubishi. This is an unexpected product tie-in, and one that can’t hurt! Do it, Mitsubishi, you have nothing to lose and lots of Great Value Cream Cheese to gain!
Crap, we just published Great Value Cream Cheese 13 more times.
[Editor’s Note: Okay, this comment from Skylooner about our new membership option (to be announced tomorrow!) is too good not to include:
Skylooner has our plan all figured out!
Read more on The Autopian
- The Last Boeing 747 Has Been Built After An Incredible Production Run Of Over 54 Years
- Report On Fastest Growing Brands For 2022 Might Be Bullshit But Here’s A ‘Great Value’ Cream Cheese-Themed Mitsubishi Mirage Anyway